I don’t think I ever acknowledge just how hurt and sad I really am. Perhaps it’s because I always fail to recognize these emotions because my brain is overthinking a hundred other different things. I realize that I barely have any friends anymore. My parents always say, “why don’t you go do something with your friends,” and I then I’m reminded that the small of group of friends I still have are either busy or don’t live around here anymore. Come to think of it, I can’t even recall a time when I felt happy around other people without it being forced. And yeah, it’s partly my fault. I alienated a bunch of individuals because of some conflicting issues that I was having within myself — issues that I haven’t even resolved. I lost faith in God, and it wasn’t until last week during church that I finally broke down. Even as I’m typing this, there are tears rushing down my cheeks. I’ve tried to be strong for such a long time, but I can’t be anymore. I so desperately need someone to lean on because my knees are about ready to give in. Never have I ever been in a place that I felt so trapped and conflicted about everything I have done up to this point. I don’t think I’m ready to make this important decision about my future in three days, because I don’t know if I even have a future worth fighting for.